I’m too fussy for prison (and also, not crafty enough)

Crafts! She is going to knit the shit out of that yarn!

Crafts! She is going to knit the shit out of that yarn!

In my Holiday Living post I called my mother-in-law the Martha Stewart of the South– while true, this is not something I can claim for myself. I can decorate the crap out of any room given the right tools (A.K.A. cash $$$); I can clean like a possessed Mr. Clean; I can organize myself into oblivion; and I can cook a mean cake/cupcake/cookie. BUT, I CANNOT DO CRAFTS! Seriously, anything that requires scissors or tape or paint or glitter (oh God not glitter) I simply cannot do.

It’s not that I’m incapable of doing crafts, it’s just that I don’t have the patience. Maybe I have untreated ADHD or something, but I just can’t focus on anything that might take more than 20 minutes. So, unlike Martha, I will not be doing crafty things like making a prison poncho during my theoretical prison term (I’m way too fussy for prison). Having said all this, I’m trying. I’m trying so hard. Currently, I’m attempting to paint a design on a table runner, which has been both frustrating and maybe just a little bit fun. I had a vision before bed a few nights ago of a really modern and abstract runner for my spring table setting, and so I’m trying to realize this vision. See below-

Crafts!

What I’ve got so far isn’t horrible, but it’s definitely not what I envisioned. Maybe it’s not entirely my fault, maybe the paint (Martha Stewart fabric paint, thankyouverymuch!) is off or the fabric is wrong, I don’t know– it’s just not there yet. I’ll keep going though! Even if I hate every second after 20 minutes! And hopefully you’ll see it when I show off my spring table setting! Or maybe I’ll just get my mother-law-in to do all my crafts ;P

  One thought on “I’m too fussy for prison (and also, not crafty enough)

  1. January 15, 2015 at 12:37 am

    I love your blog, Jeremy. It is interesting and funny. Keep writing!

    Liked by 1 person

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