Our pup is more of an elegant Dutch woman than a canine, so she ought to have the accessories to match. I’m only half kidding, of course, but in a recent search for a doggy carseat I realized how ridiculous the dog accessory industry has become. Never mind the fact I was searching for a doggy carseat. Actually, I was searching for a “cute doggy carseat in powder blue.” Hypocrites in the house! Heyyyyy!
I’d like to share some of the more, let’s say, quirky items I found in my various dog related searches. And fair warning, “bitch” will be used a lot in this post.
What we’ve got here is a best friends charm, like the one you gave your friend Britney in 5th grade during lunch (that the bitch “lost” at the mall). Except you’re not giving it to an irresponsible human, oh no, it’s going to your best fur bitch. Presumably you keep half on your keychain or manpurse and the other half goes on your pooch’s collar. What a ridiculous idea! Way to anthropomorphize your animal!
Okay, maybe it’s not all that weird…
No, I’m not crying!
It’s just so sweet…
I ordered two.
Our next item is a doggy pooh bag holder that looks like a purse (in sky blue of course!). Okay, I’m not totally against dogs having purses, but, they’ve got to be able to hold more than poopy bags! I mean, what if Ms. Nola needs a nosh, or gets thirsty, or maybe (definitely) needs to freshen up? Don’t you want to be able to say “wow that bitch has her shit together?” I like a handy bitch.
In any event, I ordered four because it’s just so damn cute! And a great stocking stuffer!
Our final item is a doggy cashmere scarf in grey and orange. Setting aside for a minute that it costs sixty whole dollars, I’d like to point out that not even I, a fully formed human, has a cashmere scarf. Frankly, who cares if it’s a cashmere, my bitch is not going to like wearing this. And how would you even keep it on without cutting off your dog’s airway? Come on, people! We can do better! Honestly, if I take one step outside my apartment with this on Ms. Nola, it will end up being used to wipe away the street pizza from her mouth. It’s simply not functional for the urban lady dog. Which is why I only ordered one.
Okay, your turn– what are the craziest bitch accessories you’ve come across? And how many did you buy?!