Cheesecake in my mouthhole!

IMG_5129Yo, what’s up? This badass over here made a cheesecake. It was soooo hard, but sooooooo worth it (the extra o’s are for emphasis, ICYDK). I used Alton Brown’s Sour Cream Cheesecake recipe— which was both brilliant and complicated, just like science. And science is difficult, y’all. 

I started by putting lot’s of fat based ingredients together and stirring. Stirring hard. Mixing, really. Then, I crushed some crackers, added some butter, and mashed it all real good into the bottom of the pan to make the crust. This was fun and disgusting. My hand was covered in a fine layer of butter fat, which I discovered is an amazing moisturizer. Don’t worry though, I won’t use it as lotion because Ms. Nola would eat my hand. That would be problematic for future endeavors.


Ms. Nola hopes to eat my hand later. When I’m sleeping probably.

So, the science part comes in when you bake it. As instructed by Mr. Brown, I put about an inch of water into a cookie tray. Odd, but okay! Then, I wrapped my springform pan in foil to protect it from water seepage, and put the pan into the cookie tray. This was messy because I’m impatient, and basically have hooves for hands. Anyway, I got it in there and baked it for a couple of hours. After cooling, I unwrapped the foil and realized that there was some serious seepage. OMG guys, it looked like a generic diaper up against explosive diarrhea in there. What a visual! You’re welcome.

Obviously, I launched into 20 minute hysterical crying fit, wherein I mourned the loss of multiple packages of cream cheese. That crap is so expensive! Because it’s Philadelphia’s best! It’s literally the best thing from Philly! Anyway, I manned up and put that fucker back in the oven at 350 for 30 minutes. That seemed to help! A lot! It dried up that extra moistness real nice!

Again, since I’m impatient, I threw another fit because I couldn’t eat it right away. What kind of dessert needs to cool for 12 hours?! It’s a very strict dessert! After a very restless sleep, this morning I added some sugary toppings because for some reason we, as a species, can’t get enough sugar! You get some sugar! And you get some sugar! Some sugar for you! Here, have some sugar! Okay, calm down, Oprah! I’m talking about me, Oprah. I’m Oprah. (Not really).IMG_5116

Okay, so it kind of sort of turned out well. Not a total uggo! The most important thing, however, is that it is the most wonderful thing to ever touch my mouthhole. SERIOUSLY SO GOOD. Ugh, I like food.

I would recommend, and would make again. Though next time I will use brand name diapers (A.K.A. heavy duty aluminum foil) to contain seepage.

Happy Friday! Be sure to fill your mouthholes something pleasant this weekend! (wink wink)

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