My very masculine skincare regimen part 1

IMG_6107My skin regimen is pretty fierce. And even though I fully recognize that I’m a special kind of man (wink wink), I think that you menz out there can benefit from my wisdom. And because I’m not constricted by stupid things like the gender binary, ladies this is for you too. So now, let me share with you my secrets for looking literally weeks younger!

In all seriousness, I think that my skin looks pretty great for a someone near 30*. As a subscriber to several monthly beauty and grooming boxes, I’ve had the privilege to sample many different products aimed at men that I would never have otherwise tried. Birchbox and Bespoke Post are my two favorites, and they have really upped my grooming game (which was very basic before, like so basic… like, Axe basic… I know). So, what I’m saying is that I’ve put a lot shit on my face (and I’m not 100% certain that some of it wasn’t actually shit) and I know what works, and I know how to use it.

*31 is very near 30, so shut it

JEREMY’S MORNING SKINCARE REGIMEN:

1.) Wash your face every morning using a cleanser that is appropriate for everyday use. I usually do this in this shower, which is one of the many many many things you can do in there, as I understand it. My favorite facial cleansers, which I alternate throughout the week, are:

FaceWashes

A.) Biore Deep Pore Charcoal Cleanser B.) Blind Barber’s Wintermint Gin Facial Cleanser C.) Ursa Major’s Fantastic Face Wash

Also, if you can swing it, buy a Clarisonic or the like. It really makes a difference– your hands are good for a lot of things (nudge nudge), but washing your face is not one of them. You just can’t get into the pores like a Clarisonic can!

2.) After showering, put on your undies and apply toner– which helps to even out your skin tone. It also feels good. Tingles. You’ll like it. Plus, my favorite smells like minty heaven.

toner

3.) Next, use a serum like DTRT’s Bright Idea. Serums help to clarify and brighten the skin. Shine bright like a diamond!

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4.) After the serum has dried, apply a daily facial lotion, which will keep your face moist, but without shine. This is the most important product you will use. If you don’t want to listen to the rest of my sage advice, fine jerks, but please use a daily lotion with SPF. My go to guys are Jack Black’s (not the actor) Double-Duty Face Moisturizer and Ernest Supplies’ Protective Matte Moisturizer.

lotions

5.) After your facial moisturizer has had time to bake (that’s what drag queens call it), you can add a pore refiner like Dr. Brandt’s Pores No More. This is a totally optional step, but it will make you look fabulous… or “fine” as you straight boys like to call it. Pore refiner is basically makeup, but it won’t look like you’re wearing any. That’s good for guys who are insecure and unsure their own sexuality (my goal is to bully men into wearing this stuff).

pores

6.) Next, apply an under eye cream, which will reduce puffiness (yes, sometimes body puffiness is a bad thing!) and help brighten those pesky dark spots. I use Air Repair’s Super-Hydrating Eye Cream. Your eyes will be brighter than the sun!

eye7.) Accept compliments! Get that promotion! Model for Calvin Klein! Marry a sexy person! These are things that will happen to you if you follow my skincare regimen!

Okay, are you exhausted yet? Well, get ready, because that’s only half of my skincare regimen. Next week, we’ll tackle nighttime skincare! There’ll be wiping and blotting and screaming and crying! I can’t wait!

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