Whales do not make good restaurants


When I was a little kid, I used to have daydreams about becoming best-friends with a giant whale (I named her Sally). And after the whale would die (from natural causes!), I’d open a restaurant inside of her. Because who wouldn’t want to have a meal (no whale though) inside of a large dead mammal? I mean, it would obviously be decorated very stylishly, but it’s still a little twisted, right? At the time, it was all a very classy affair!  Continue reading

Welcome to the world Princess Char!

charI was hoping that they’d name her Diana, but I guess Queen Elizabeth said “hell no, cheerio chap!” Or something Britishy. I’m not totally disappointed though, because I think Charlotte is a classy name. I can’t wait until she’s like 22 when we see her in tabloids with the headline, “Char Gets Charred at the Altar.” And we can all revel in her misery– that’s our right as former British subjects, isn’t it? I think I saw that in the Constitution, next to the one about Freedom to Have Arby’s Fries.

It’s been awhile since I read the Constitution.  Continue reading